10 pg. Autoethnography
Shannon K. McMeans Professor Harrison English 101-013 30 March 2009 Who is Shannon Kelly McMeans? Who am I? Who is Shannon Kelly McMeans? Walking into this semester, I had mixed emotions when asked the question, ‘what is I?’ Up until that specific day in my life, I never was asked those three little words. How could I be 21 years old and still not known who I am? To be honest, this question triggered interest within me, and as I sit here today and write this, I think I have a better grasp on the simple question, ‘what is I.’ With that said, I believe I will never truly be able to put exactly who I am on a piece of paper. Through this autoethnography, I will be answering the question, ‘who is Shannon Kelly McMeans?’ Hopefully, by the end of this essay, my thoughts will smoothly go on to my paper and create a detailed base of exactly who I am up until this point in my life. “And by the way, everything in life is writeable about if you have the outgoing guts to to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self doubt.” Stated by Sylvia Plath. This quote really would have come in handy at the beginning of the semester in English 101 with Marlen. Words can not explain the emotions I had after the first day of class. I was starting back to school for the fourth time in my life, and to be honest, did not know exactly what to think. After high school I attended Cambria-Rowe Business College for 18 months, graduated with an Associate’s Degree in Medical Office Administration. After graduation, I was employed at Indiana Regional Medical Center, where I worked crazy shifts. From that point, I decided to return to school to major in Radiology and started at Westmoreland County Community College. At WCCC I took the typical pre-requisite classes required as a basis of any major, until I decided to move to Florida. My grandmother lives in Fort Myers, Florida and at the time I thought that I needed to move there. With that said I quit my job, finished the semester at WCCC, packed my bags and was set to go. Approximately two weeks before I was to move, I decided that I did not want to move anymore. My boxes of belongings were shipped back home and I was at a place in my life where I did not know what I wanted to do. My dad’s friend was starting up a business and needed some help with the office work, so I decided to give it a try and see where that took me. It is very obvious to say that I was a bit indecisive at this specific point in my life. With all of this said, I am currently still working at the ‘start-up business’ I mentioned above, and now am attending Indiana University of Pennsylvania double majoring in Business Education and Business Technical Support. I can honestly say, the confusion is behind me, and I have found my career in this crazy world. Back to the quote I mentioned above by Sylvia Plath, as I have become a writer this semester, I have learned a lot about myself. I have realized just what in my life makes me who I am, and what vital points keep my life intact everyday. I wrote many blogs and a handful of essays, and they all lead back to my faith, family, and experiences in my life. “It’s surprising how much of memory is built around things unnoticed at the time”, stated by Barbara Kingsolver. For my one taste blog entry, I wrote about the chocolate covered strawberries I ate on a trip with my family. It is amazing how one simple taste can trigger such a vivid memory, I wrote: That week I got to see a lot of great things, like the famous Arneson river theater. At this exact theater, they filmed the pageant scene in Miss Congeniality. This fun fact always excited me because I loved the movie. Also, I got to go to the famous fancy restaurants and boutiques on the river. All of these great experiences will be in my memory forever, but none of this had an affect on me like the delicious taste of the chocolate strawberries. As I sit and read over all of my essays, it is amazing to me how the different topics Marlen gave us to write about, most of the time, all went back to the three main categories I stated above, my faith, family, and experiences in my life. I wrote a lot of great things about my family, and great memories I got to experience with all of them. The essay that has impacted me the most through this semester is my essay I wrote on the sense of taste, which led me to writing a beautiful essay on my grandfather. I wrote: Every year on October 11th my subconscious tells me the day is here. And my mind wonders back to the day he had to go. His time here on earth was up, and with time, I have learned to accept this. I have researched the word grandpa just to see if anyone has captured the true meaning of the word. All I find is the common responses to the word, the father of a father or mother, a man who is an ancestor, etc. This leads me to the conclusion that I, as a person, have my own personal meaning of the word. I have a lifetime of memories that define my Papa, and I will have that within me until the day I join him in heaven. This factor is enough to get me through each day. To lose someone is a terrible thing, but it comforts me that I was able to write such a beautiful piece, that I got to give to my grandma. It is a very interesting thing that so many memories were triggered just by the five topics of our senses, taste, touch, smell, hear and see. At the beginning of the semester, I was horrible. Yes, that is probably not the best thing to say in a paper, but it is the truth. I was so used to the typical requirements for a paper and I usually just wrote what I had to write and that was it. Well can I just say that does not get you anywhere in Marlen’s class. Marlen opened up great opportunities for me, as a person, to explore myself and write straight from my heart. In my third essay, the topic was our sense of smell. Of all my essays, I really feel that this essay showed my voice in a very entertaining way. I wrote my essay as the four seasons, and what my sense of smell experienced in these seasons. I got my idea from Miley Chen’s Winter Day piece. I wrote: June, July and August all have something in common; together they create the season of summer. With this beautiful warm season, the nose is introduced to many unique smells. One that immediately comes to mind is the rich chemical scent of chlorine entering my nose, as I run and do a canon ball into the bright blue pool. I float in the aroma, and am also aware of the crisp green lawn that smells of dandelions, grasshoppers, weeds and rich soil. It is as if the grass has its own personal perfume, which I look forward to during this specific time of year. “In June, as many as a dozen species may burst their buds on a single day. No man can heed all of these anniversaries; no man can ignore all of them” very well put by Aldo Leopold. My second piece of writing, which I really think reveals my voice is a blog I wrote on my sense of sight. The genre I chose for this piece was a poem. I wrote: I am back to a familiar place again I am comfortable with my routine I look forward to the faces that greet me I feel so much emotion These reflections have a very strong affect on my being I wonder what they see The poem was about what I wake up and see every morning, and continues on what I see during my day. The piece I chose to insert into this essay was the strongest line in the entire piece. It is about going home to my family, the emotions I feel when I am home and how I am very happy with where I am at in my life. As I continue writing about answering the question ‘who is Shannon Kelly McMeans?’ I want to mention the essay I wrote on the sense of touch. With my sense of touch I have the ability to play a very beautiful instrument. Without my sense of touch, this art of a talent I have would not exist. The instrument I am speaking of is the piano. For our fifth essay I was to write about my sense of touch. I brain stormed for a few days before I came up with my topic, which was right in front of me at the time. As I sat and played the piano, like every other day to relax, I realized I could easily write an essay on the piano and what it means to me. Here is a piece that I have taken out of my piano essay to show you just how much the instrument means to me and my sense of touch. Individualism: the principle or habit of or belief in independent thought or action. I get so tired of the judging, labeling, people thinking they know who I am. No one knows anyone. To be honest, I think that is what makes the world so interesting. My talent with my piano is my talent, no one else’s. As I sit and read the sheet music, my fingers are speaking for me. My sense of touch makes it possible for me to speak not from my mouth, but through my fingers. That in itself, to me is where I find my individualism. “No other acoustic instrument can match the piano’s expressive range, and no electric instrument can match its mystery,” Kenneth Miller. As I wrote of my multiple senses, I not only learned about the senses themselves, I also learned about myself, as a person. I realized that Marlen could give me multiple different ideas for writing, any genre I preferred, the sky was the limit, but I stayed in the category of family, friends, experiences, and my faith. To me, all of these topics are very strong in my life. I went into this class actually a little timid, not really knowing what to expect. Marlen is definitely not your typical professor, but he turned out to be exactly what I needed. Marlen not only taught me about writing in different genres, different voices, etc., he also taught me how to view the world in a sense. In one of my beginning blogs we were to write about things we can not see. I found myself writing about my sister Bridget’s imaginary fishbowl. The way I learned to write in this class, actually gave me the opportunity to go back and visit the childhood memories I got to experience with my two best friends, my sisters. Here is a piece of the blog I wrote, about Bridget’s imaginary fish bowl. As everyone grows up, we all go through stages of what we want to be, who we want to be, where we want to be. My sister Meghan always wanted to be a vet, and I always wanted to be a teacher and a mother. Bridget’s response to these questions was a little different from the rest. In Bridget’s beautiful mind she simply wanted to be a mermaid, and live in a giant fish bowl in our front yard. As I write this ten page paper, I keep going back and reading what I have already written down. Like I have mentioned numerously throughout this paper, I always write about the same topics. Seeing that this paper is my autoethnography, and I am writing about who I am as a person, I chose to insert a piece out of my first blog on the question, ‘What is I?’ I believe that our own personal meanings of ‘I’ are very complex, just like the meanings of the word ‘I’ itself. I define myself by my family, my friends, God, morals, goals, and happiness. I could go on and on all day on what makes me, me. But, to be honest with you, I don’t think I will ever be able to give you an exact idea of who I am as a person. Becoming who you are comes with living life, experiencing, and learning. My faith is very important to me. I wake up every morning to pray for my family and friends, and go to bed praying for the same. As I went through this class, I have found my faith sticking out through the cracks of my essays. Like the one saying, ‘faith is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it.’ My faith in Jesus Christ is the biggest and most important thing in my life. For my vision essay I chose to write to Thomas Kinkade. Thomas is a famous artist that is, like myself, a strong Christian. Thomas’s works of art are published into calendars and so forth, which is very interesting to me. For the assignment, I wrote a letter to him on a particular painting called, San Francisco Powell Street. The way his paintings send you on a artistic and vivid journey is amazing to me. You can look at a simple scene and the imagination takes off. Below is a piece I wrote to Thomas, that explains the way my imagination interpreted San Francisco Powell Street. The first thing that caught my attention when I looked at this painting was the father with the little boy and girl walking down the street. Everyone seems to be so happy, everyone speaking with each other. The color schemes you chose really set my mood as well, looking at the different buildings with the warm lights shining from within. The street looks so busy but yet so peaceful. The roads are wet, from what seems like a recent rain shower and there is still fog hanging above, with the birds back out to find the baby-pink worms sliding their way across the surface. The flowers and trees are bright, from just being nourished by the afternoon rain. I also love the fact you can see the bridge in the distance, and what looks like boats in the water. Although you can not see the details of these landmarks, what is visible to the eyes gives the imagination a starting point. As I look at this painting, every time I come back to it, I see something else. As the groups of people walk down the busy street it makes the viewer wonder where they are going. Are some going home from a long day of work? Are some going to dinner at the beautiful street-side restaurants? Maybe there are parents going to pick up their children from day care, people out walking their dogs. Another very interesting aspect I noticed was the man walking along the cable car with his bike, as he talks to an old friend in the car. Even though you do not directly show the images I have listed above, my imagination allows me to see them when I look at this piece. With writing all of these different essays, Marlen gave me the freedom of going whichever direction I wanted to with each. I had a handful of different genres that I used in my pieces that I am all around very pleased with. I went from the typical narrative, to a block-style letter, to a multi-genre piece and a brochure. I was able to interpret my major, Elementary Education, into my sense of hearing essay as well. This freedom of writing really aloud me and pushed me to really get into what I was writing, and actually have it mean something to me. I was able to be ok with knowing; first drafts aren’t perfect and need a lot of work. For my hearing essay, I created a brochure that I could use for a presentation for my elementary students. Here is a small piece of my brochure, I created for this specific assignment, I am very pleased with my final document. This brochure shows my ability to use the tools I have, to make something for a classroom tool. After speaking about all the different essays I wrote this semester, and about my beliefs and interests, I now have a stronger grasp on which I am as a person. Hopefully, after reading this piece of writing, my readers do as well. This class has benefited me in so many ways as a person; these essays will be a reminder to me of my capabilities, and ability to write. I am no longer a ‘stick to code’ writer, I am a free writer!
